My Greatest Fear

MY GREATEST FEAR…

Those who are close to me know how much love this piece of writing “Our Greatest Fear” which Nelson Mandela once read. It has always been those poems when I feel like I am not good enough I would read and it would somehow motivate me. This morning though, when I was jogging, I kept on thinking about the things I have feared the most in my life. As a child, I was just good enough, I would pass at school, I was not an A student, but I was okey in my times we had top ten’s, so I would try to keep myself in that category. If I think about it, I always wanted to do better and it was my greatest fear to fail. As I grew a bit older the fear of failing in life grew with me and guess what, I failed in some of the things I wanted to do. It did not kill me though, but the fact was that, one thing I had feared the most had happened.

Then I got to understand love, and relationships, my fear changed completely, my greatest fear became the fear of  losing those I love, I held them too close and made sure that I did everything in my power to show them that they meant the world to me. I was so sure that I was doing well, but guess what God has planned in your life will happen no matter what you do about it. I lost people very close to my heart, some died, some decided to leave, and some we just had to part way, but the bottom line was lost them and it was not nice.

 So today it just came to my mind that, sometimes, living my life in fear of not meeting that deadline, not achieving that goal, of losing that friend, or even not getting approval on a certain proposal should not be part of my life. As a child of God I was given a spirit of love not fear, which does not mean that bad things will not happen in my life, they will and there is real nothing I can do to change that, but I cannot live my life in fear, life is extremely short, people will walk in and out of my life too, that is fine too there is absolutely nothing wrong with those people, our paths had to cross at some stage in our journeys and  at a later stage they had to move on as I had to as well.

As cocky as it may sound, but now I choose to wake up and be grateful for every soul that put a smile on my face, however not placing any responsibility though on them to stick around, but cherishing each moment with them as if it was the last one. I chose not to worry and I am always reminded that the Bible says we should not worry about anything, because our God, our father only have good plans for our lives. He sees much further than we can ever see.

My most recent worry was that I might not ever have children in my life, but I’ve learned to make peace with that, and acknowledged that God has surrounded me with so many wonderful kids in my family, who call me mom without fail who I see love in their eyes and if maybe one day I am blessed with a child it will be a miracle, but if not, it will still be okey.  I have so much love to share, that is one thing that I think I was given in abundance and I find joy in sharing it, so whether the child is my own or not, I’m sure I will be just fine.

Life is a beautiful yet very brief gift, sometimes I see couples, friends, or even family members fight and playing games, and I often wonder if people knew how all real didn’t matter, if they knew how brief it was, they would be more patient and little bit more understanding. I’ve learnt to live each moment and be in it, it is true that love does not seek its own and it does not pride itself hence, I understand sometimes when I see a person loving a person that does not love them back, I once was there, I know how it feels, it did not kill me, it only made me realize how sometimes as people we do not acknowledge God in other people. 

So maybe you are just like how I used to be like, here is a free revelation; fear does not change anything… Just live your life, have faith in the unchanging love of God, for everything in your life, and the greatest thing is that, that love, is not found anywhere else, but in side you, because that is the exact place where God resides, in you ….